Whew! A week over....

It's been a week....a full week of ups & downs & definitely biting off more than I can chew...or not chew for that matter. I have fallen off the wagon, admittedly, & jumped right back on. I weigh in tomorrow & see if any damage has been done towards releasing the old me.....the past few days I've been feeling very lethargic, maybe withdrawal is finally catching up?! I have been very sleepy but I hear it's normal as your body is rebuilding....

I've come to figure out I have a food addiction (ahahahaha surprise surprise, 360lbs & I am NOT addicted to food? please!). They say cutting it out for 3wks can solve the problem....that your tastes completely change...but that just like alcohol, you'll fall off the wagon before you completely make the break. SO with that being said, maybe I was destined to fall off the wagon & now i'm on the path to completely breaking the cycle....?! I sure as hell hope so...because this is crap. I should have more power over my mind & compulsions...maybe my head is just so used to "just doing it" that it's harder to break than I thought? I'm just used to picking up a soda, I'm just used to the drive thru...etc...for years. Ok, so I can see how this can be a problem...and I can definitely see how it can be a hindrance...but I'm doing it darn it....serious. Ok, enough babble...what have I been up to for the past few days?

My son is in baseball so that's keeping me busy....my daughter just started ballet & tap so that's going to keep me busier. How will I juice? I bought a case of Mason jars to store juices in & I'll just stick one in my purse if I'm going out anywhere so that I know I have something with me & don't get tempted to "stop-in" and pick something up...even if my intention is water, the eyes "browse". I have been trying to continue cutting back on the  heavily sweet juices, mainly the all fruit ones, to cut back the sugars...I need to get accustomed to "green" drinks which I still will mix with a fruit. I have found a new love....watermelon. OMG, it makes a TON of juice (duh) & will make the grassiest green mixture taste like watermelon LOL of course, right!? Plus, watermelon is great for you. 1 small seedless watermelon gave me 8 cups of juice...stored in jars. The way I store it (the way they recommend) is pouring it all the way to the top to minimize air when you seal it...air oxidizes the juice destroying the enzymes & some of the flavor. You can only keep them this way 24hrs before they start to spoil, if they haven't already.

Still addicted to my "banana" green juice of:

2 handfuls of Kale
2 handfuls of Spinach
1 green apple
1 pear

I up the ingredients to make a double batch for lunch so I totally fill up & don't get my "bored, snacking mood" in the afternoon like usual. I think staving off those impulses that I know I get will help tremendously. I'm so mad at myself...I should be acing this...I should be kicking this feasts butt, but I'm so overwhelmed...even being prepared....it's a huge change & maybe I just didn't realize how "sick" I was....

I'm taking 1 teaspoon of Bee Pollen in the morning juice (LOVE apple, orange, carrot)
I'm taking 1.25teaspoons of MSM powder in my Lemon Water daily...
I'm taking 1 tablespoon Mighty Greens in my lunchtime green juice

I am still trying to drink 2-3cups of juice at one sitting, 4-5 times a day. ...plus TONS of water. With being lethargic as of late, I've slacked off on the amount of juice which really could be contributing to the cravings & feelings of failure I've having....can we say cause & effect?! ugh...but I'm trucking along...weighing in the morning...so we'll see. Not looking for a huge number, but remember, it's not about that....I've had a ton of emotions flood me this week...inside my own self & outside world. I think I've had a break-through...I think I've come to an understanding of just how "sick" I am...and how to abridge my way of thinking & change it. It's like I've had an epiphany. Yay me!

I know the point of blogs are to let go of feelings & honestly, it helps...i need to get better at doing this daily, I'd help myself tremendously. ...BUT it would be crazy long & I won't do that to you guys. I'm going to start a personal journal & whenever i feel an "urge" I'm going to jot down why...and then why I shouldn't. That in itself should help lots. Ok.....so enough rambling...I'm out, I'm tired...until tomorrow!!!